Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my poor anus
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
