Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
