he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
