It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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