it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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