yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
