please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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