note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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