peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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