What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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