you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
