I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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