I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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