Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
