Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
