But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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