True but thats because hes a fetus.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Please don't give away my fajitas
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
