Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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