im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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