May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
