I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
