Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
