We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
