I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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