i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
