Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
