allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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