You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
