after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
