he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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