"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
