Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
