I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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