Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
