My friends, they love my intelligence
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
