barbara walters just said penis...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
