I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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