she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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