were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
