I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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