your room smells of hookers.
And success
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
