Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
