If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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