it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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