I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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