My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
