i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
