highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
