I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
