She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
