she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
