Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
