why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
