if i can run in heels then i can drive
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
